C.R.A.P.

F.E.A.R. What is it with this game? Why do people love it, exactly?

OK, I understand the basic premise. You get to run around one “spooky” warehouse interior after another, maybe tramping through a vaguely sewer-like section in between, shooting stuff with big guns — “stuff” being exactly the right term.

Am I really supposed to be some 7ft musclebound SWAT-trained beefcake with the upper arm strength of a toddler? I mean, come on. I’m all for a modest amount of realism in shooters, but with the hateful aiming mechanic you’re constantly hosing your limited ammo supply across the walls, floor and ceiling. Everywhere but actually into your enemy.

And let’s get one thing absolutely straight, before this stupid myth perpetuates its self into the annals of gaming history for good: whoever decided the AI in this game was “probably the best since the grunts in Half-Lifeneeds their fucking head examined. Over and over the bumbling idiots trot right in front of me whilst trying to take up flanking positions, without even so much as a rifle stock to the solar plexus. And I mean right in front of me, like they have to run around where I’m standing in a tight corridor on their dizzy way to fuck know’s where.

I’m not even going to bother mentioning the piss-weak paranormal aspect except for the incidental music, which is great. The gore wouldn’t scare a 12yr-old.

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